Ever been to the beach? You’re relaxing on a beautiful day, trying to build up a tan or just enjoying the cool water, when all of a sudden a kid comes running by? Noisy, rambunctious – they completely destroy the peace and tranquility you had been enjoying.

   I’ve had enough of that. I think we should ban kids from Willard Beach. 

   Sometimes I think kids are just annoying. They can be loud, obnoxious, and whiney. Heck, they might even pee in the ocean or soil their diapers on the beach. Gross. And don’t even get me started on their parents… Unable to keep them quiet or calm, just letting them run hog wild. There should be a rule requiring them to keep them under control. The beach would be a better place then.

   Know what else is fun at the beach? People watching. Let’s face it. It’s fun to go and just spend time watching good looking people frolic in the sun. Well, except for that 300 pound man in the bathing suit a few sizes too small, with an afro of back hair.

   Let’s ban those guys too. They are just eyesores.

   You probably think this is all crazy talk. I agree. But Gary Crosby is trying to ban dogs from Willard Beach except for limited hours, early in the morning. So maybe these draconian measures aren’t far off?

   It just doesn’t make sense to limit access to a public park because a few crotchety folks complain. It’s not reasonable or fair to ban kids (though it might be warranted), or to require overweight people to

stay away, or, most relevant, it’s not reasonable to ban dogs.

   Maybe you don’t like listening to the screams and roaring laughs of kids, or hearing the barks of dogs, or seeing the rolls of fat hanging over tight bathing suits.  Frankly, though, all of these cases involve someone’s loved ones – members of their family – and they should be able to enjoy a public beach too.

   When Gary Crosby comes asking you to sign a petition to keep dogs off of Willard Beach, say ‘no.’ 

Derek Mitchell

South Portland