In the last installment of “Jersey Tawk,” I described the inspiration
and template for the column, which would be to “get under the skin” of
Mainers hostile to those of us from away.

It seems I got a bit carried away.

In my haste to make a point, I failed to remember some of my other
rules for the column: be funny (or at least try) and more importantly,
be positive.

I don’t mean be positive in the up-with-people, everything’s great,
cheerleader sense; but to balance my criticism with solutions. They
don’t have to be good solutions or very realistic ones, but if I’m
going to take shots at other people then it’s only fair I give others a
chance to return the favor. In that spirit, I’ve suggested everything
from cloverleaves and overpasses for Route One to skyscrapers for
Scarborough.

As for not bringing the funny, I’ll blame the season, which seems to
have affected me with some sort of disorder (they should come up with a
name for that). Now that we’re getting more sunlight every day, I’m
hoping that will resolve itself.

In an attempt to make amends I want to go back to my last two columns and take myself to task for being too clever by half.

About a month ago, I wrote the Maine caucus system is “dumb” and irrelevant. I stick by the first part but it looks like I’m going to
need to address the second.

First things first: the caucus system is out of style with the times. I
believe it is theoretically a really great way to pick a candidate.
Practiced as it is in modern times, there’s a lot to be desired. In
both Cape Elizabeth and South Portland 108 people voted in their
respective Republican caucuses. That seems odd as South Portland has a
significantly larger population, but proportional to their populations,
I’m willing to guess that there are more Republicans in Cape Elizabeth.
(This could be easily verified, but I’m on deadline here). In either
community, 108 people is a tiny minority of residents – or even likely
voters apt to pull the elephant’s tail come November. Few can say there
is little interest or information about those running for president, so
there must be other reasons for the low turnout. I suspect it has
something to do with the inconvenience of committing to the caucus
process. We can lament all we want about the state of civics among the
polis, but the fact is a huge majority of people simply opts out of the
process. Maine should explore abandoning the caucus and adopt an open
primary system with all parties hosting their primaries on the same
day. If the name of the game is enfranchisement open primaries are the
answer. If the game is keeping the selection process the province of a
small clique of party and candidate activists ( and there are some good reasons it should be), I can understand sticking with the status quo.

Now, about the caucus being irrelevant.

In that month-old column, which followed the New Hampshire primary, I
wrote that Mainers had likely seen their last campaign commercial
(national spots don’t count). On Tuesday night I watched, twice, a
Barack Obama commercial aimed at getting young Democrats to Sunday’s
caucuses here in Maine. It’s a good commercial and you’ll likely see it
again as well as more from the Hillary Clinton campaign. Super Tuesday
yielded no decisive victor on the Democratic side and the two
candidates will now fight for every last delegate they can get. Maine
suddenly is now relevant. You can say it always was, and I’ll simply
point to the Republican version. If you promise not to do that, I will
admit to being completely, totally and utterly half-wrong. That’s as
good as you’re going to get.

Two weeks after my “Maine caucuses are dumb” column, I wrote what many interpreted as a “Mainers are dumb” column. That it was misinterpreted
is my failing as a writer and to many, I owe an apology.

I learned that column deeply hurt some people I care about who have a
great deal of pride in both their state and their success in breaking
out of the entrenched poverty trap I so cavalierly described. It hurts
when someone puts you down. It makes you mad when the one who does it
has had all the breaks and you’ve had none. I should know better than
to be that guy.

If I could go back in time and revise what I wrote, I would have made
clear that no state, indeed no society, has every figured out a perfect
system of social security, economic liberty and liberal education.

If I implied that Maine has cornered the market on dependency, poor
health and ignorance I wish to correct that characterization. New
Jersey, for instance, right now has many more people in the worst
economic circumstances than Maine ever will. Poverty and all the
attendant ills I described are not character flaws inherent in those
who find themselves in its suffocating circumstances and furthermore,
each of those ills – dependency, obesity and ignorance – can be found
well represented across the socio-economic scale.

My friends, I’m thinking of two in particular, have shown that people
blessed with intelligence, ambition and industry exist everywhere. They
have done more and gone further than this writer, who as the saying
goes, was born on second base.

Well, that wasn’t very funny, was it? Plus I never got around to my suggestions for improving Maine.

Look’s like I have the subject of the next installment all figured out.

Stay tuned.