By Janet Edmunson

South Portland author

At the age of 49, my husband, Charles, faced the final stages of the
neurological disease, Cortical Basal Ganglionic Degeneration (CBGD). We
had agreed to have Hospice involved at this point as the disease had
already stolen many of his abilities, including reading, writing,
walking, talking and caring for himself.  That’s when we
experienced the amazing kindness of strangers.

Hospice often works with local churches to provide meals for their
patients’ households during special holidays. On one holiday, a kind
couple with a shy ten-year-old daughter came to our door, dressed in
their nice Sunday outfits. They were carrying two large shopping bags
filled with everything from soup to dessert, as well as beverages and
even a flower for the table. I introduced them to Charles while he sat
motionless in his wheelchair. Even though the young girl seemed
somewhat afraid, I thought it was wonderful that she was being given
the chance to experience caregiving at such an early age. Their food
provided a wonderful treat for Charles and me as I am such a pitiful
cook and was totally strapped for time to prepare anything more
elaborate than a warmed-up frozen meal.

We all have opportunities throughout our lives to help lighten the load
of a family caregiver. November is National Family Caregiver Month—but
the need is all year round. Many people feel inadequate, though, to
help family caregivers. And sometimes, even when asked, the caregivers
themselves will say they don’t need help. But I encourage you not to
believe their words. When my family offered to help Charles and me, I
said that we were fine. I didn’t realize how much I could use the help,
until they started to arrive from all around the country—one cooking
meals to fill our refrigerator, another giving the house a thorough
cleaning and yet another doing household repairs. I never would have
asked them to come, so I’m thankful they proactively took the
initiative to help.

Can you think of a family caregiver for whom you might be able to
provide support? If so, here are some ideas of the kinds of support you
could offer, adapted from the National Family Caregivers Association.

• Offer a few hours of respite time to a family caregiver so this
person can spend time with friends, go to a movie or simply relax. If
you are worried about what you’ll do while there, consider bringing a
DVD to watch or a book, newspaper or magazine to read out loud to the
patient.

• Help the family caregiver decorate their home for the holidays or offer to address envelopes for their holiday cards.

• Offer to prepare a meal in their home, or bring an already prepared meal to them.

Even if you find it difficult to personally be in the presence of a
severely ill or disabled person, you can still offer tremendous
assistance to a caregiver.

• Send a card or bouquet of flowers to brighten the family caregiver’s day.

• Rent or buy a funny movie for them to view. Give them a book with comics or other funny quips.  

• Give them a book on tape to enjoy at their leisure.  

• Do research on local social service agencies to help the family
caregiver find new resources and educational information.  

• Call once a week to check in and listen to their struggles or joys from the previous week.

• Offer to pick up items at the store, or do their family food shopping periodically.

• Do other errands, such as picking up prescriptions at the pharmacy or taking clothes to the dry cleaners for them.

• Fill up their car with gas

I encourage caregivers reading this story to accept help when offered
by others. Be ready with lists of things that you would like to have
done if someone asks how they can help. Remember, others find
fulfillment in helping. Allow them that opportunity and you’ll receive
the benefit too.

Caregiving Affirmation:  Everyone derives fulfillment from providing support to a family caregiver.



--Janet Edmunson, M.Ed., wellness expert and author of “Finding Meaning
with Charles: Caregiving with Love through a Degenerative Disease,”
available at www.findingmeaningwithcharles.com or through your local
bookstore.