On Oct. 21, I was stopped in my tracks by a frightening
realization: In a month’s time I will be 25. The big 2-5. A quarter of
a century.

I know I shouldn’t approach the day with apprehension. Some of my
friends have recently faced the milestone without any major hang-ups.
It’s not that I have some desire to stay 24 forever or that I have a
fear of growing older, it’s just that I thought my mid-20s would be
different.

Growing up, I thought 20 was the immutable threshold between childhood
and adulthood. Whether a person was ready or not, I thought big things
followed a 20th birthday: an emotionally and financially rewarding
career and a sophisticated apartment in a big city, to name a few.
Twenty came and went and I didn’t feel a day over 18. I was, however,
happily enjoying a feigned sense of independence at the University of
New Hampshire. I say feigned because I was still relying on my parents
to supplement my small paycheck from my work-study job at the library
and when school closed for vacations, it was back to living under my
parents’ roof.

My 21st birthday was perhaps the only major stepping stone toward
adulthood beside reaching voting age. It meant I was allowed into the
classy establishments that I imagined someone with a sophisticated
apartment in a big city would frequent. Flashing my I.D., however, did
not make me feel more mature.

As I approach 25, I’ve come to believe that this decade may be a time –
for lack of a better term – to figure stuff out. I remember a quote
from a woman who had recently turned 30. She said her 20s were the
worst years of her life and she couldn’t wait to leave them behind. The
woman said she was plagued by insecurity throughout her 20s.

I remember hearing the quote years ago and thinking, “I thought turning
20 meant any awkwardness and insecurities from my teenage years would
disappear.” Adding another candle to your birthday cake, however,
doesn’t equate to another ounce of confidence. It is earned by the
experiences that make up each year.

Happily, the expectations that have traditionally been attached to
certain ages have started to gel together, leading to a time in which
age is less of an overriding factor. I love hearing about people in
their 50s and 60s who embark on a career change or head back to school.
It is reassuring to know that people can still reevaluate their
interests after their 20s.

The mantra, “You have your whole life to work,” is supposed to be
freeing to 20-somethings, but I find it to be more of a depressing
statement. It implies people should be spontaneous and take chances
while they’re young because one day their life will be reduced to their
occupation.

From my own self-evaluation, I know I have become more spontaneous and
laid back as I grow older, but I hope I won’t stop taking risks once I
hit 30. I may not be a big risk taker by other people’s standards;
however, I think I have come a long way.

I recently caught a few minutes of a television program about a group
of men, many of them in their 50s, who decided to celebrate their age
by climbing a mountain and then skiing their way down. When I’m
approaching 50, I hope I will be of the attitude to celebrate with
similar enthusiasm.

The best way to get there, I think, would be to change my outlook on
25. I will (or will at least try) not think of it as a measure of my
accomplishments or maturity and will instead approach it as another
year’s worth of opportunities.  That way, I can be sure there will
always be something to celebrate.

–Amanda Estes